Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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