u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize
