grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
