Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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