I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
