Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
