its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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