marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
