just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
