Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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