I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
