Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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