Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
