I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
