I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
