If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
