I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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