I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wish there were birth control emojis
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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