4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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