I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
