I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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