woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
