11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
