I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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