So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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