you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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