I heard we made out
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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