I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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