I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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