I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
