If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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