we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We have started to decorate penises.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
