Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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