the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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