im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
