She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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