maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Randomize
