yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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