ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize