I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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