i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
