that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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