Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
