Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
