Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
