You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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