Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
