i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
