First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
