I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
