Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
