Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
