Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
