I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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