i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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