is your mom at the bar?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
