I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
