You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
