She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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