____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
