Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
