I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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