4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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