u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
