so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You are the jesus of drinking
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
