Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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