I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
