Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
