Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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