The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
